The Lost Cause of Being a Gentleman

There are so many things wrong in society these days. An immediate reaction to this might lead to thoughts about stealing and cheating and things of similar nature.

Don’t get me wrong, those things are awful but one thing that a lot of people don’t realize is an issue is that being a gentleman just doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore. So many years ago if you weren’t a gentleman, it was a very big deal but somehow, through generations, that got lost.

First it might be helpful to define our terms. What does it mean to be a gentleman? Take a look…

Chivalry defined a gentleman many years ago and was demonstrated by knights. Nobody is asking for someone to literally be like a knight in the eighteenth century but rather show a bit of respect, even if it means going out of your way just a little bit. I tend to be a very observant person, especially when there are a lot of people around, and the biggest thing I have realized is that nobody is a gentleman. So let’s talk about the basics that seem to be completely gone so we can restore hope for our future generations.

Holding the door.

This seems like a pretty simple task, right? Well you would think so but somehow it’s a completely foreign concept to most men. So let’s learn. Men, if you and another woman are both walking towards a door and she gets there just a second before you, you should wait for her to open the door because she got there first, right? WRONG! You open the door for her. Even if she grabs the handle and opens it to let you go first, take the door and let her go. This sounds like such an inconvenience, I know, but you really can spare those two seconds it will take to hold the door. Why does thismatter? It’s just a door, either way everyone will get in the building, right? No… it’s the principle of the thing. It’s just a small, respectful thing that a man can do to help a girl out.

The other day I was walking to class and I passed so many people approach the door together and the girl held the door. Then I got to my building and I held the door for all the males walking in behind me. Not that a girl can’t hold the door, because a girl absolutely can, but it would have been nice to see at least one guy hold the door for the girls. So men, next time you and someone else are going in the same door, please for the love of God, hold it!

Pay when going on a date.

I know money is a sensitive topic, but we are going to talk about it anyway. When you go on a date with a girl I know it can be expensive because, of course, you want to take her to a nice restaurant but treat her to a nice dinner. It gets expensive, yes, so not every time but at least in the beginning pay for her then you two can start switching off. It’s just a friendly hangout if you two go out for the first time and each pay for each other’s food.

I’ve gone out with guys and thought it was a date and then at the end we each paid for our own food. It wasn’t that big of a deal but he thought it was a date even though we each paid…it wasn’t. By these standards, my first date was my freshman year of college because that was the first time I met a guy who cared enough to pay for a meal. That’s pretty sad that guys are that cheap. It’s the act of showing you care enough to spend money on her that matters. While money isn’t the only way to show you care, it goes a long way.

If it’s even remotely heavy, carry it.

I am all about equality in the sense that women can absolutely carry heavy things, but they shouldn’t have to. Guys have always been stereotyped as stronger, and usually they are, so why not help someone carry something.

The other day at work, I was carrying a large stack of plates across the restaurant and they were really freaking heavy. I walked past so many guys and not one of them offered to take them for me or help or anything. Not one of them.  Just like holding the door or paying for a meal, obviously the end of the world won’t come if it doesn’t happen but it’s a nice gesture to show you care and respect a woman.

Open the car door.

We’re going back to doors so if it wasn’t obvious before, let me make it obvious now…open the door, it’s important!

Do you ever see a guy and girl go to get in the car and the guy goes to open the door for the girl, patiently waits until she gets in and is ready and closes the door for her? Because I don’t. Just like it’s respectful to open a door for someone going into the building, it’s the same for the car. Yes it is out of the way, yes it takes longer but it is just as important and does matter.

Call her beautiful not sexy.

Last but certainly not least, use your words carefully and respectfully. Call a girl beautiful or gorgeous instead of hot or sexy. It shows that you are looking at them as a person who has feelings as opposed to an object or just someone to have sex with. Which brings me to my next point. Don’t be a player, to put it nicely.

I’ve been at college for only a month and I know so many people that are in a situation that is similar to this: the guy and the girl meet and end up hooking up. The guy only wants to hook up because the girl is hot but in order to get her to continue, he hangs out and gets to know her. The girl catches feelings and once the guy is done with her he never talks to her again and she realizes she was just used. Seriously, don’t be that guy who objectifies a girl and just uses her instead of treating her like a human being. Respect is the foundation to being gentleman and this is where it starts.

All these little things are often forgot about but always matter. It blows my mind how these have been lost over the generations and how these things are out of the ordinary to see. If I learned anything from closely observing the campus, it’s that most guys were not raised to be gentleman and respect is a foreign concept to them. Moral of the story: men, treat your women right and do all of these things for her. It might not seem like it but every single one will mean the world to her.


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